


The Strength of the Pack is the Wolf; The Strength of the Wolf is the Pack

by MellytheHun



Series: First Kiss Challenges [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bands, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Hux, Pining, Prompt Challenge, Prompt Fill, Romance, Singing, oblivious kylo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 04:13:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11592702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MellytheHun/pseuds/MellytheHun
Summary: First Kiss Prompt: being unable to open their eyes after





	The Strength of the Pack is the Wolf; The Strength of the Wolf is the Pack

**Author's Note:**

> No music belongs to me!  
> Although, the song Lone Wolf first mentioned (and linked, as all the songs are) is performed by my cousin's band, In Loving Memory. Y'all should check them out and support them. If my cousin gets a weird influx of downloads or something on iTunes, I'll have to be like 'yeah, sorry, i used your musical genius for gay fascist fan fiction ok iluuuu'
> 
> I changed like 3 lyrics within the songs mentioned throughout the fic, but not by much. 
> 
> All songs are credited in the end notes, links to the songs so you can listen as you go are put throughout. I recommend opening the links in other tabs and listening to them, but not watching the music videos, as I describe them differently in the fic.
> 
> I use the acronym MOGAI in here as well, which I like better than LGBT+  
> If you've never heard of it, MOGAI stands for Marginalized Orientations, Genders And Intersex. 
> 
> No Trigger Warnings :]
> 
> This series of challenges has had a few donations put towards it and they're so, so helpful! If you can donate towards any of my WIPs or just donate to me at all because I'm poor af, in school and need the help, donations as small as a dollar can be made to paypal.me/loserchildhotpants and it will still be immensely helpful. Thank you! Enjoy! <3

The stiff couches KoR are sitting on are distractingly white against their grey, red and black outfits and the bright, studio lights are partially blinding. Kylo’s raggedy, maybe-just-crawled-out-of-bed look in particular is striking against the soft, modest, barely yellow walls of the recording room and Kylo’s KoR cut-off shirt, ratty combat boots and torn jeans don’t really fit the surrounding aesthetics. He doesn’t mind, though – if he’s a black sheep, he’s at least in a herd of them.

The last time they, as a band, were on one of these morning talk shows was when the ‘scandal,’ of Phasma dating Kylo’s cousin Rey came out. Kylo didn’t care beyond giving Phasma the obligatory, ‘if you hurt her, I will destroy you,’ speech every caring, older-relative/brother-figure has to give, but the press certainly cared a lot. The only other woman in the Knights of Ren is, as Phasma has described, ‘tragically heterosexual,’ and dating another band member, Zekk and that’s left her out of the public’s scrutiny. It’s perfectly ordinary and even expected for a beautiful, young woman like Liette to wind up with a band member as trim and well-spoken as Zekk.

All in all, they’re a large group and most of them are classically trained musicians, that just tend toward metal. When Phasma is lead vocals or even Corr is lead vocals, the sound tends to go a little alternative rock and when Taori takes lead vocals, they turn to death metal pretty quickly. Sol, Quix and Kylo are the only vocalists that keep to their more modern, metal rock sound. Kylo is still their chosen lead vocalist – he writes most of the songs, so he sings most of them too.

Everyone gets their fair share of the stage and spotlight, though.

Hux is the only one that hasn’t taken the offering.

In fact, Hux is the only band member that refuses to write lyrics at all. He might help another band member improve upon what’s already written, but he outright refuses any request to write something himself. He helps mostly to compose music – he’s a prodigy at composing. He plays piano, bass, cello, violin and drums, but for the band, he plants his feet firmly on stage right as their lead guitarist and refuses to budge.

Kylo’s never taken issue with that – Hux being the sole object of everything he’s ever desired might make him a little biased, but who could really say?

Their groupies love Hux – which is expected, Kylo supposes. He’s mysterious for how quiet he is, he won’t sing harmonies and barely spares a word in interviews. Getting him to talk on television or radio is like trying to pry teeth from his clenched mouth with a pair of chopsticks. Most hosts have given up on getting Hux to talk.

This woman, Yenta Gle’rha, news-anchor-turned-novelist-turned-show-host-turned-international-motivational-speaker-turned-guru-turned-demi-God, has had her eyes set on Hux from the very start and with their latest single being such a smashing hit, she’s invited them on again. She always goes after Hux, asking highly personal questions – even asking after his sister, Phasma, while Phasma is sitting _directly next to him_. Kylo sometimes thinks Gle’rha is _trying_ to pick a fight.

She likes to compliment them on how they look, even when they look like misfits – Kylo knows she’ll compliment his old boots or costume-silver ring, but then she’ll bring up how ‘dashing,’ Hux always looks (which is fair).

The band is casually dressed, as they most always are for interviews or tours of any kind – Kylo the most so, but Hux never dresses ‘casually.’ ‘Casual,’ for Hux means shined oxfords, flatteringly tight black pants and, if he’s really feeling daring that day, an open collared shirt with a red tank top beneath. He sticks to the band’s color-scheme at all times, but even if he weren’t formally dressed most of the time, he still sticks out like a sore thumb with that fiery hair.

Sol is dirty-blonde and Phasma’s hair is artificially platinum, but everyone else is brunette or raven-haired and then there’s Hux; quiet but not shy, strangely well-groomed, notoriously difficult to engage and ginger as honey and cider. He draws attention.

“You’re about to be on-air,” the man insists, trying to convince Hux to let him powder his nose.

That poor man is at the receiving end of one of Hux’s infamous scowls for his efforts.

With a flippant hand, Hux waves away anyone else that tries to get near him and, as usual, Kylo likes to sit back and watch them get rejected.

Hux is so charmingly, unapologetically repulsed by everyone in the universe and if Kylo were part of that majority that Hux so hates, he might hate Hux back, but he and Hux have been friends since grade school and being madly in love with the young man from afar has also made Kylo, perhaps, more fond of Hux’s less sociable qualities.

The way that he sneers at stagehands should not be ‘cute,’ but Kylo can’t think of a single other descriptor for it.

There was one time Hux accused a clueless roadie of being ‘facetious,’ (not that Hux had any room to talk) and the roadie stared blankly back at him until Hux, furious, got red in the face and yelled, “have you ever actually read a book!?” The roadie was so horrified, being a genuine victim of Hux’s rumored fire-breathing all while Phasma and a couple of other Knights laughed at their expense.

Kylo joined in the laughter once he’d misspelled and then gotten the definition of ‘facetious,’ off his phone.

In high school, one of the first (decent) songs Kylo had written, Hux hummed thoughtfully at and then described as a ‘provocative polemic.’ Kylo had done the blank-stare-of-misunderstanding the roadie had too, but he was treated very differently. When faced with Kylo’s ignorance, Hux treated him with patience reserved only for him, Phasma and their family cat, Millicent. Hux had leaned over the lunch table to him and said, “it means that it’s a thought-provoking and controversial stance against the status-quo. I mean to say I like it.”

“Oh,” Kylo had replied dumbly, but Hux had just smiled at him and told him, “you ought to read more, you know. I wouldn’t mind reading aloud to you sometime, if it bores you too much to do yourself. Broadening your vocabulary can only help you now.”

He’d taken Hux up on that offer – junior year of high school was all about composing, writing and raiding the Organa-family refrigerator at the end of the day. The end of the day, when Hux would come over and read until his voice went hoarse – and times that Kylo would stop him to ask about a word, Hux would break it down to its Latin roots and help Kylo figure out its meaning without ever actually saying it. Hux made for a good teacher. And friend.

And everything, frankly.

He can’t help how much he likes Hux – all he can help is how much it shows on stage or camera. Phasma’s called him out on it already about a year ago; given the ‘I see the way you look at him, I’m his big sister and my muscles are larger than yours, so don’t get any funny ideas,’ speech and Kylo was about to tell her he didn’t even have the stones enough to tell Hux a thing about how he really feels, but their PR manager interrupted soon after to insist that Kylo not say a word. It was ‘too soon,’ after Phasma had made her big, completely unplanned debut from the closet and Kylo, nineteen and star of the show, was not to touch a single, shining, ginger hair on Hux’s head until PR knew they could manage whatever backlash might come.

Everyone’s reasoned at this point that Hux is _probably_ (definitely) emotionally stunted and may be a genius with a staggering I.Q, but he hasn’t figured Kylo out yet and that’s only because he’s so unaware of his emotional self that he never considers the emotional existence of those around him. If he ever took the time to really look Kylo in the eye long enough, he’d probably see it clear as day; Kylo isn’t what one would describe as ‘subtle.’ Hux hasn’t had much reason to stare longingly into Kylo’s eyes, though, so Kylo’s not-so-secret secret is safe for the time being.

It’s just PR manager Snoke, the Good Sister Phasma and Kylo that live with the secret until… Kylo doesn’t know til when.

He’s not sure what a ‘good time,’ will be to come out or even make an attempt at expressing his feelings for Hux – something he’s not sure is wise, reciprocated or even possible and moreover… he’s worried there will never actually _be_ a ‘good time.’ That it’s just something Snoke said to stave off any romantic gestures Kylo may have been scheming.

Not that he doesn’t ruminate about it enough, but Kylo’s attentions are split from his self-pitying meditations when their host enters. The host comes on, she introduces every band member as expected, welcomes them back like they’re all old pals, asks asinine questions about day-to-day routines, how’s the family, how’s the partner, how’s the work, the tour – innocuous things and then she gets to why they’re there – she starts in on their latest hit; [Lone Wolf](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oys1ylt6I38).

She insists on playing the official music video for the audience and, strange as it is to watch himself perform, Kylo really does like an excuse to watch Hux play. He finds his own face and voice distracting – he rather prefers watching Phasma beat the drums like they owe her money, smile at the way Taori nails his harmonies with Zekk or just watch Hux… be Hux. He could probably watch a video of _Hux_ watching a video of paint drying on a wall and still be enthralled.

He turns toward the big screen and watches himself sing, Hux next to him, his fingers gliding over the strings of his guitar like it were soft as cotton candy and just as easily spun. He makes everything look so easy…

Kylo would like to tell Hux all these things. He really would.

Contracts have been signed, though – hands have been shaken, deals struck, Snoke means business, always does and Kylo causes enough trouble, crowd-surfing, cursing on daytime television and storming out of recordings when things aren’t going his way. He can be a nightmare to work with – he knows that, but when he signed on for fame, he didn’t realize he was signing away his freedoms.

His own voice interrupts his thoughts briefly…

 

“ _Flee the pack to be on my own,_

_Guess I never needed their love._

_I bleed the excess and still feel whole,_

_Wish I could've called out their bluff,_

_And spared the harsh lessons learned,_

_From leading a life taciturn._

_A brand new breed, the Lone Wolf,_

_Ready or not now,_

_The road that I walk down,_

_Will lead me through the shadows…_

_Of all my darkest days, today_!”

 

Kylo’s hair is down in that video – he usually ties it up because he sweats far too much under stage lights and he can’t stand how it sticks to his neck. Hux told him it was appropriate, though – he had stepped between Kylo and the director and said, “I hate to agree with the director here, Kylo – you know I hate agreeing with people, but he’s right to want your hair down. You look much more… _feral_ that way. It’s befitting.” At the time, Kylo sort of inwardly hoped that Hux might be turned on by whatever ‘feral,’ looks like, so he agreed to it.

He feels silly for it now, but he can’t really regret anything he’s done for Hux – now or ever before.

 

“ _Alone, misguided, I carry on,_

_No one to depend on._

_My friends, foes, family disposed._

_Little do they know,_

_In the infinite span of time,_

_They're a blink of the eye._

_So, what good do they serve my plan,_

_If they won't be there in the end?_

 

_I know that it's wrong but,_

_I believe in peace of mind._

_My demons justified._

_But if I can be strong on my own,_

_I'll see, they lied._

_They'd leave me here to die._

 

_They say the strength of the pack is the wolf,_

_And the strength of the wolf is the pack,_

_But what is the pack but a herd,_

_Of sheep that can only look back?_

_The strength of the pack is the wolf,_

_And the strength of the wolf is the pack,_

_But what is the pack but a herd,_

_Of sheep that can only look back?_

 

_I'll be my own light when it's dark at night…_

 

_A brand new breed, the Lone Wolf,_

_Ready or not now,_

_The road that I walk down,_

_Will lead me through the shadows,_

_Of all my darkest days, today!_

 

_A brand new breed, the Lone Wolf,_

_Ready or not now,_

_A ravenous bloodhound,_

_Will free the beast inside…_

_I know I won't survive…_

_I'll thrive_!”

 

As the video fades out and the audience applauds, all Kylo can do is think of Hux – Hux was so integral to that song, he was so important and it feels like the entire video should have been focused on him for that.

Hux didn’t write it, of course, but he was the one that inspired the entire thing – they’d been on tour, in their bus and Kylo had thrown another tantrum at some forgettable, idiotically simple thing as he often does and to get his point across that they needed to work as a team, Hux had said the phrase, “the strength of the pack is the wolf and the strength of the wolf is the pack. We all need each other. Stop licking your superficial wounds and get out there.”

When Kylo crowd-surfs, Hux smirks and shakes his head and when Kylo curses on live, daytime television, Hux laughs and when he storms out of rehearsals or recordings, Hux is the one that follows him. Hux is the one that tells him they can’t do it without him. Hux is the one that tells him the strength of the pack is the strength of his wolf – it’s always Hux.

“Try as they may,” Hux has said to Kylo before, “no one can mimic a voice like yours. There’s a good measure of talent in the other room and they want to work with you, Kylo – they may not admit it, but you are the wind beneath our wings. So, put away the pout, stop stropping around like you haven’t got every luxury in the world and come sing, you great buffoon.”

Just remembering how easy it is for Hux to quell his anger and put to rest his anxiety makes him smile dreamily at nothing. Thin air is very attractive when Kylo’s really imagining Hux and the way he smiles, the way he holds his stomach and forehead when he laughs hard, the way he frowns so sadly when he accidently scuffs his own overpriced shoes, how he always swears his morning showers will be short and he won’t fall asleep when he lies back on the cover of his hotel bed once he’s washed up, but he always does…

“… Kylo?”

“Sorry?” he asks.

The studio audience laughs and he’s pulled back into real time, only slightly embarrassed that he’s been caught daydreaming. A couple of the camera crew trade unimpressed looks and Kylo cracks some of his knuckles, worried that a flashing neon sign of ‘I’m abhorrently in love with the snobby redhead next to me,’ can be seen on his forehead.

Hux is sitting next to him as he always does for interviews, looking bored and he’s got that look on that says he’s already composing things in his head for later. It’s amazing, the way Hux can just go on autopilot like that – no one ever notices but Kylo, but then, there’s no one that knows Hux like Kylo does.

There’s a certain twinkle about his icy eyes he gets when he’s got a sound in his head that he’s waiting to share with Kylo – and he always does. He always waits til they’re alone in their hotel room or tour bus or back home, holing up in Kylo’s room for privacy and he’ll take out his keyboard or his guitar and he’ll just –

“I asked what you will be doing in the future about Hux.”

Blood rushes to his face, misinterpreting the question, “what?”

Gle’hra smiles patiently and explains, “your fans were all so certain _Lone Wolf_ was written by Hux and when they’d found that, yet again, another album was being released without a sound or word from him, they’ve started rallying together. There are a lot of accusations that you’re intentionally holding him back.”

The audience stiffens with stress, ready for a shouting match to erupt between Hux and Kylo, already buying into this click-bait crap and all Kylo has to do is look at Hux and he starts to smile. Hux cocks a brow at him, smirking when he mumbles jokingly, “honestly, how dare you. I’m a wild stallion, you know – your attempts to subdue me are hateful, Kylo.”

Imagining _subduing_ Hux brings to mind cuffs and binds and rope and that expression Hux wears when he’s pretending to despise something he would kill for more of and having Hux’s lithe body writhing under his; consequentially, those imagines have Kylo checking that his shirt is hanging low enough over his jeans before putting a pin in that daydream for later.

Laughing it off as best he can, Kylo turns back to Gle’hra and assures her, “he knows the fans want to hear him, but he’s a private guy. I afford him that, the whole band does – he deserves to have his privacy respected. Hux is my best friend. I’d not let him be made uncomfortable.”

The studio audience coos and Hux kicks his ankle, as if he’s insulted by Kylo’s sentiment. Kylo just stares resolutely at Gle’hra and keeps his smile for Hux. He sees it returned in the corner of his eye.

“That’s sweet,” Gle’hra compliments, still looking hungry for something to actually report on, “You’ve tried everything to get him out of his shell?”

“Everything but a crowbar, yeah,” Kylo jokes – Hux rolls his eyes and the band and audience laugh good-naturedly.

“Have you asked him to sing for you?”

That catches Kylo off-guard and his brow furrows, “…what?”

“Have you ever actually asked him to sing for you? Do you know what his voice even sounds like? Is he tone-deaf or does he have a stammer?”

“I – I, uhm,” Kylo scrambles, glancing to the unhelpful redhead beside him before finding that too difficult and look back at Gle’hra, answering, “I’ve never… no. I’ve never actually heard Hux sing, but he’s pretty aggravatingly perfect at everything he does, so I wouldn’t put it past him to out-sing me any day of the week.”

“Really?” Gle’hra inquires, leaning in closer, “Do you think he would? If you asked him? You said you’ve tried everything, but if you’ve never asked him and he _is_ the best friend you claim him to be, do you think he might finally give your fans just a whisper – if it were for you?”

That is a heady question and no one on the PR team actually prepared him for something like this. He stares in bewilderment for a while and then turns to Hux again, hoping for something a little more helpful than a blank, bored stare.

Hux keeps his legs crossed and his expression, while not bored or on autopilot, is unreadable. He’s fully present, his eyes are on Kylo’s in that way that makes Kylo’s heart thump and he’s almost worried the mic on his collar can pick up the beat. He swallows roughly, keeps Hux’s gaze and mutters, “I’m not sure.”

“Well, go on,” Gle’hra pressures him, “Give it a try.”

He hesitates and he knows Hux can see he already regrets doing this, that he’d rather punch Gle’hra in the face than impede on Hux’s privacy, but he’s limbless here. He isn’t sure what to do or say – he’s never been so pushed into a corner so quickly by an interviewer.

“Hux…”

“Yes?”

Hux always does this – he acts like the world outside Kylo and him just doesn’t exist, even when it’s loud, oppressive and scary and very much there. He looks at Kylo and speaks to Kylo like they’re the only people in all the room, in the studio, the world and Kylo’s chest constricts. He wrings his wrists, twisting around a leather band he hasn’t actually taken off but to shower since Hux gave it to him when they were seventeen.

He clears his throat nervously before asking, “would you… uhm… would you ever sing for me, Hux? Just – if it were for me?”

Without hesitation, as if it had always been just as simple as asking, Hux nods and replies, “yes, of course.”

The studio audience bursts into noise and even the band starts muttering soft, surprised things to each other the mics aren’t picking up. Kylo doesn’t know what to do with that response – saying, ‘okay, thanks,’ and then letting it lie doesn’t seem like an option. Gle’hra is very clearly waiting for more and everything feels like they’re standing on an enormous precipice.

“Will you?” Kylo decides to ask.

There’s a brief pause and Kylo swears he sees Hux’s ring finger twitch minutely on his knee – Hux has almost no tells, but his hands give him away every once in a while and he hates himself for making that finger twitch.

“For you,” Hux starts evenly, “anything, Kylo. Yes.”

That… is a sentence Kylo is going to play over and over in his head in infinite scenarios forever.

“Oh, _fabulous_!” Gle’hra interrupts, looking lit up like a Christmas tree, “What will you sing for him, Hux?”

“Something original, of course,” Hux tells her, taking a moment to drag his eyes away from Kylo’s.

He looks at her and she shrinks just a little – Kylo doesn’t fault her for that. Hux’s eyes are sharp, heavy and having his undivided attention can be just as much a burden as a blessing.

“He deserves no less,” Hux expounds, “I never imagined I’d be anyone’s friend, let alone the best one they’d found, which makes Kylo a man to pity, because I think he deserves all the world – much more than I could offer. If he’d like me to sing him something, I’d never sell him short. I’ll write something new, compose something new and sing something new for him. Really, it’s a small favor to ask in return for all he’s given me. He’s certainly the best friend I could ever hope to have – I’d do about anything for him.”

Flustered beyond coherence, Kylo is rendered rather useless for the rest of the interview, the band is interviewed more fairly for the rest of the hour and Hux says little else, but a single traded glance between the two tells Kylo all he needs to know. Hux doesn’t want to talk about it, he’s not mad, but he won’t want apologies or pity. He’ll do what he’s promised to do and, selfish as it is, Kylo is hungry for it. He wants to know the sound of Hux’s voice – his real voice.

What song will be crafted from his hands and shared with the world?

Soon after the interview, Hux hides away from the band, composing, writing and barely uttering a word when they’re all together. He’s not cold to anyone, but he’s distracted during meetings, press rallies and autograph signings and they’re two months into their cross-country tour when Hux hands out sheet music to every member.

There are no lyrics on them.

When Phasma asks about it, he tells her that the relevant lyrical parts are on there for them to learn, but he only needs for them to learn their harmonies. He’s not ready to share it in its entirety yet. No one pushes the issue.

Hux’s song calls for an electric cello, a violin, two guitars, a bass, drums, a keyboard, synthesizer, looper, a slight voice distortion and a few harmonies toward the end.

Only the notes and syllables are there to learn on the paper – not even the actual words.

At how bizarre a request it is, to learn music so blindly, Kylo starts to worry, but he knows approaching Hux about it won’t do anyone any good. When Hux commits to something, he’ll face it stubbornly, Hell or high water, so he knows there’s no letting Hux crawl back into his shell for this one. Hux would consider it an insult if Kylo tried to let him off the hook now.

Hux was once insulted when Kylo offered to take Hux’s share of wasabi at a group outing for sushi when he found out that Hux doesn’t like spiced things. Hux didn’t even _want_ the wasabi, but _refused_ to parted with it and ate it out of spite. For who or what, Kylo will never be sure. He did laugh pretty hard at how red Hux’s face turned, though.

Hux thanked him by squirting soy sauce down the back of his shirt.

Knowing worrying will do them no good, Kylo and the band parse out their parts, what their harmonies will sound like, replacing the beats of syllables with ‘do-re-mi-fa-sol-la-ti’s,’ all respectively and appropriately and they rehearse.

Kylo’s thankful that they’re all trained as classically and as well as they are – Hux’s eccentric methods are no simple undertaking. They know Hux will give them the words the night of whatever show he decides to present it on, but it’s still nerve-wracking, knowing the harmonies, the beats, the syllables, but not the pronunciations.

Thankfully, the song seems slow and they’re all very good sight-readers, so no one will be rushed and wind up stumbling over words unless Hux decides to pull out all his ten-dollar words for a single song. That seems unlikely, though, and Kylo can’t tell if that’s purposeful or just their luck.

Preparing Hux’s song to what perfection they all can shape it to takes about three weeks, staying up long past concerts’ ends, toying in the green rooms, all watching Hux out of the corners of their eyes and then time has slipped by, they’re not thinking about it as often and Hux becomes a bit less distracted, more social among them again. The worry fades.

Toward the end of their tour, they’re booked at an enormous amphitheater on the coast closest to home – they’ve seated ten thousand and have another six thousand standing, jumping, screaming, holding up signs and making mosh pits near the stage, hoping Kylo will jump in and join them as he sometimes does.

He decides not to, though – Snoke warned him ahead of time that the concert was going live on television and he’d made an honest plea for Kylo to ‘not make an ass of himself,’ for a single night. The show is wonderful – duets between Phasma, Liette and Zekk and Corr are sung, Taori rips up the stage and must have shown one of the roadies a real good time, because Kylo did not know they had the budget for pyrotechnics.

Everything goes well, though, it’s fun, it’s loose, it’s second nature and Kylo’s sort of exhausted by the end, his hair is tied back, his threadbare, loose-hanging, cut-off KoR shirt is sticking to the small of his back and he’s ready to collapse in the hotel bed, ready to lie down on the bed opposite Hux’s, whisper in hoarse, sung-out voices with Hux until they’re sleeping the daylight hours away.

When the curtains go down, all of them are grasping at water bottles and downing them in single swallows. The crowds are roaring, Kylo can see the glow and flicker of lighters from beyond the curtain and hear people yelling for their encore. He smiles, though he knows they can’t see him.

The band and stagehands are getting ready for the encore when… new instruments get rolled out.

Distortion pedals are plugged into the lead mic, they’re attached to a mixer and there are settings already in place. A looper sits adjacent and then an electric cello is being handed off to Sol, a keyboard is being brought out to Liette and their previously used instruments are being carted off without a word.

Everyone turns to look at Hux who’s trading his guitar for a different one with a capo already placed on it – this is the one Kylo knows Hux built himself. He did it as a senior project in high school and it’s easily the coolest guitar he owns. It’s a blood-red, electric guitar with a type of black, glittering trim on it. Hux is an engineer at heart – in all ways.

Hux doesn’t look up at anyone, though, even as they stare at him and wait for explanations. He only stares down at his guitar, moving the capo for a moment, tuning it softly and then he says without looking up, “your full sheet music will be delivered to you all. Kylo – you’ll play bass for me?”

“Yes – yeah, of course,” Kylo answers readily, nerves making everything from his toes to his hairline tingle as one of the stagehands brings him Hux’s preferred bass.

When the curtain rises again, the rowdy crowd quiets in a way it never has before. Usually, when the encore begins, there’s a second wave of screaming and cheers, but instead, everyone goes silent, watches in some shared measure of awe as Hux walks up to center-stage, the cameras blowing up his image on the screens surrounding the stage.

He looks out at the crowd and the crowd looks back – Kylo wishes he knew what were going on in Hux’s head. The only sounds now are murmurings, the flashing and clicking of cameras, the shuffling of people that were leaving before the encore to avoid traffic now going back to their seats because it’d be a sin to miss whatever’s coming next. He’s almost worried Hux has stage-fright, but, no – he’s just efficient and doesn’t waste time talking to his audience like Kylo does.

Hux looks out at them, he looks down at his guitar and he says nothing, he just… starts playing.

Engineer that he is, Hux is also rather good with lighting. He must have spoken to the guys in the lighting booths, because their color scheme changes entirely from grey, black and red to dark blue, purple and some sort of shimmering silver.

The first chords are simple and with it being a slow, sweet thing, Kylo follows closely and effortlessly, listening intently in the resounding silence of the theater. He has no idea what’s about to greet his ears – he thinks even Phasma is vibrating under her skin with wonderment. All eyes are on Hux, but Hux doesn’t seem to notice.

From where Kylo is standing to Hux’s right, he can see Hux’s cheeks are flustered, there’s a sheen of sweat on him, but it just gives him this strangely flattering glow. His dark grey, collared shirt is rolled up to his elbows, unbuttoned and open to whatever cool air might find him. His whole clavicle is defined in shining highlights and deep shadows and his torso is hugged tightly by his black tank top.

Those fingers, nimble, dexterous and just a little spidery find their home on his guitar like this sound has been in his head for eons and maybe it has. Maybe he’s been waiting to tell this story, to sing this song, to share this part of himself all along – Kylo doesn’t think about it anymore because he watches how Hux’s body curves toward the audience, how he leans in close to the mic and his voice…

His [voice](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_aNKCcOOY0)…

 

“ _As I finally meet my end,_  
_I won't be scared, I won't defend,_  
_The things I've done._  
_I don't need Him like you do,_  
_I don't fear Him like you do._  
  
_As the world revolves the sun,_  
_I hope the light that I become can,_  
_Sleep for once…_

  
_I won’t leave it like you do,_  
_I won't lead it like you do,_  
_I won't leave it like they do,_  
_I don't need Him like they do_.”

 

There’s a shy crescendo and Kylo feels an ache in his chest as he watches Hux’s eyes shut, lips right against the mic Kylo’s were touching a moment before and he swears he feels just a ghost of Hux’s kiss on his own lips.

The sadness of the music, the desperate longing for relief in Hux’s poetry hits him all at once and his eyes start to water beyond his control.

  
  
“ _I just wanna sleep forever,_  
_Never see tomorrow,_  
_Or lead or follow._  
_I don't wanna work forever…_  
_Know what I know…_  
_Or beg or borrow…_

 _Just like our mothers,_  
_Who gave us our homes._  
_We'll be just like our fathers,_  
_And go out on our own._  
_Cause we are the colors,_  
_In all that you see._  
_We'll be just like our brothers,_  
_And take to the streets…_  
_Take to the streets…_

  
_I just wanna sleep forever,_  
_Never see tomorrow…_  
_Lead or follow_.”

 

The Knights are all wide-eyed, barely paying attention to where their hands are going, but they keep up and none of them – _none_ of them are as intensely and immediately spellbound as Kylo is.

He never imagined Hux’s voice could be so light, so dreamlike, so… ethereal.

Hux’s feet move over the pedals distorting his voice a little and then duplicating it as he sings;

  
  
“ _As my world it hides behind,_  
_The words only your wars define,_  
_They read a lot like news._  
_But I fear it more than you._  
_I fear it more than you._ ”

 

Hux shakes his head, lets go of the pedal, his brows pulled in like he’s in pain and he sings the chorus, as though it hurts to repeat, as if he’s told the world a thousand times, as if he’s begging;

  
  
“ _I just wanna sleep forever,_  
_Never see tomorrow,_  
_Lead or follow._  
_I don't wanna work forever,_  
_Know what I know,_  
_Or beg or borrow._

 _Just like old lovers,_  
_Who never leave home._  
_We'll forget the city,_  
_And forget the roads_.”

 

He looks at Kylo and smiles sadly when he sings, “ _cause we are all rebels – never do what we're told. We may not grow up, but, man, we grow old…_ ”

 

Hux looks away again, looking partway angry and partway sad when he finishes, “ ** _man_** _, we grow old_.”

 

Then Hux stares down at his guitar, concentrating on it and playing it like he were feeling his way through some unknowable darkness. The cello comes in stronger than before, the second guitarist joins in and Kylo plays over with his bass the way they all practiced. Phasma keeps the drums in time perfectly and it sounds busy, it should sound clumsy, like a messy cacophony, but it’s graceful, it’s beautiful, it’s pained and honest and Hux’s voice, his sound is so different than what the band has ever played or known before.

Kylo’s pretty sure he’s never even heard music anything like this.

When they hit the crescendo, the sheet music commands that they all stop and hum behind Hux and they do.

Loyal as ever, the Knights stop playing and hum.

  
  
“ _I just wanna sleep forever,_  
_Never see tomorrow,_  
_Or lead or follow._  
_I don't wanna work forever,_  
_Know what I know,_  
_Or beg or borrow._

 _Just like our mothers,_  
_Who gave us our homes._  
_We'll be just like our fathers,_  
_And go out on our own…_ ”

 

Then their music calls for their voices to join his – the bits they had only practiced as syllables, learning the notes, but never the words – not til now. And they sing behind him;

  
“ _Cause we are the colors,_  
_In all that you see._  
_We'll be just like our brothers,_  
_And take to the streets._

 _Cause we are all children,_  
_And we are all man._  
_It may not be much,_  
_But we do what we can._  
_Don’t need no preacher,_  
_To make us believe,_  
_That everything's perfectly,_  
_Fucked up like me…_ ”

 

There’s a finish to that song – a neat wrap-up that Hux has written down for everyone to play, but it goes unheard. In fact, the music falls apart, stuttering out unevenly because Kylo throws his bass aside, overcome in a new and strange way, his heart is thundering, stomach full of butterflies, head full of that Heavenly, tragic sound that’s been hiding in Hux all this time and he rushes over to the mic.

Kylo is definitely not in full control of his faculties – whatever Hux’s voice has done to him, whatever that song has made him feel, it’s taken the helm and when he reaches Hux, Hux stops playing his guitar, his feet coming off the pedals entirely so he can better face Kylo.

For the first time in all the time Kylo’s known him, Hux looks… unsure.

His eyes are glassy, he’s bared some part of his soul and Kylo felt it, the band felt it and he knows the audience felt it and now Hux isn’t sure if they like what they see, if they care, if he was _heard_ – the air is so thick, everything is so cosmically intense and there’s nothing left to do, nothing Kylo _can_ do but cup Hux’s face between his hands, step toward him just as he pulls Hux forward and kiss him fervently the way he’s dreamt of doing since they were sixteen.

That there’s any noise louder than the pounding of blood in Kylo’s ears is pretty remarkable. He ignores the cheers and screaming, though; he turns his head, tears slipping from his eyes while his thumbs gently pet Hux’s cheeks because Hux’s voice is so fucking beautiful, his song was so horribly sad, so lonely, so loving and he wants to bathe in the noise of it and Hux is so fucking perfect and he’s so fucking in love with Hux, it’s the worst and best thing that’s ever happened to him and he's so _fucked_.

When he pulls away enough to breathe, he keeps his hands on Hux's face and presses their foreheads together, but he can’t open his eyes. Tears are blossoming up between his lashes and the sensation is strangely, refreshingly cool against his overheated head – he knows he’ll have to open his eyes again at some point, but he can’t yet. He’s too scared he’ll open them to find Hux glaring at him, utterly betrayed or sneering at him in disgust, or worse, staring blankly and entirely impassively at him.

Turns out he doesn’t need to express his fear anymore than keeping his eyes shut – Hux moves his forehead away from Kylo’s and just as the panic of possibly getting slapped hard across the face rises, Kylo feels Hux’s nose nudge his and before he knows what he’s doing, he’s tilting his head to better let Hux kiss him.

Hux is kissing _him_ – the cheers and screaming and blood rushing gets exponentially louder and Kylo thinks he might actually faint. A hand cups the base of his skull and Hux’s tongue slides into his mouth and the mics actually pick up the way he gasps.

His fingers grasp at Hux's hair, combing through the sides of it and he wants to say, ‘I know the part about mothers is about your late one, I know the part about fathers is about my deadbeat one, I know the part about brothers is about Sol’s and Zekk’s, I know the old lovers is about how Liette’s parents have never seen a single one of our shows. but I didn't know you cared.’ He wants to say, ‘I felt how sad you are, how alone you feel, how tired you are, how you want relief, but you love us the way we love you and you won’t leave us because of it and I never knew you ever thought of leaving, but I'm so glad you haven't and that you won't.’ He wants to tell Hux, ‘I know you won’t leave us, even if you want to, even if you don’t believe there are cosmic repercussions for suicide, because we are all each other’s family and I never knew how deeply you felt this all.’

He wants to say, ‘I wasn’t ready for how beautiful your light is,’ but he isn’t even sure what he means by that.

He kisses Hux like he’s starving and he is, in a way, but what he wants is to swallow Hux’s voice, he wants his tongue to soak up Hux's sound, Hux's soul, he wants to keep that sound forever, keep it in his chest, nearest to his heart, he wants to protect it like a real Knight would. He wants to give Hux everything, life and death and loneliness and happiness and music and song and a reason to stay awake and he wants to propose to Hux where they stand, but he can barely remember to breathe, so a commitment like that is probably ill-advised.

There’s very little oxygen getting to his brain, actually.

He doesn’t mind at all.

Suddenly, the cheers and roaring and screaming are dulled and Hux and Kylo pull away from each other, looking at the black curtain that’s descended in front of them. Hux’s hand slips down Kylo’s neck, but stays put and Kylo lets his hands fall down from Hux’s face, down his neck and then keeps his hands on either side of Hux’s collarbone.

They finally look at one another and it takes a beat, but Hux smiles. He reaches up with his free hand and thumbs away whatever stray tear was still dripping down Kylo's jaw.

“So dramatic.”

There isn’t much to do but laugh at that, so Kylo does.

“You liked it?”

In disbelief, Kylo shakes his head, doing something that's not quite smiling, but he's so happy it doesn't even feel like happiness - it's something else altogether. He says simply, “I love you.”

Hux’s eyes widen and before he can speak, Kylo tells him, “I – yes, the song is beautiful, Hux, but the song is beautiful because you are and I love it because I love you and I’ve loved you since we were in sophomore year of high school.”

Opening his mouth to say something that doesn’t look like something affirmative and reassuring, Hux is paused before anything gets out; Kylo’s heart stumbles over itself and he jumps to say, “you don’t have to – I wouldn't - I never thought you felt the same. I just… I needed you to know. I can’t bite my tongue after hearing that… not anymore. I hope… you’ll… you’ll still be my friend, right?”

At that, Hux does scowl and Kylo feels a bit idiotic because he doesn't understand why he's getting glared at.

“You know, sometimes I fear you’re touched.”

Kylo frowns in offended confusion and Hux rolls his eyes, taking his hands back to put them on either side of his hips, “you’re an idiot, Kylo, and I’ve been head over heel for you since I saw you sing in the middle school talent show.”

It takes Kylo a few moments to count backwards, but then he squints his eyes, blood rushing up into his cheeks again and he mentions, “that was the night we met…”

“Good to know you can do basic math, Kylo.”

Kylo’s hands are shaking now and he blinks another tear, unsure why. Hux smiles at it, his expression gentling and he murmurs, “you’re so fucking oblivious,” before leaning in to kiss him again.

Never having felt so light in his entire life, Kylo lets his arms curl around Hux’s torso and pull him in close the way he wants to and has wanted to for way too long. Hux makes a pleased, muffled noise of approval and hooks his arms around Kylo’s neck to drag him closer.

Against the skin beneath Kylo's hair, Hux’s fingers are calloused from playing guitar, but just enough to imagine more friction and the perfect amount and in much more interesting places. Kylo wonders if he should propose now. Marrying Hux seems like a good idea. A perfect idea, actually - the best idea that’s ever been had – him and Hux together forever. Perfect. Exquisite. Legendary.

Hux moves his hips just so and it compels Kylo’s hands to move on their own, to slide lower down on Hux's body and Hux is just so willing, he fits so beautifully against Kylo's body and he's pulling his own body in closer to Kylo's as if to prove that point further. Kylo's hands burn where they are and blood pools low in his jeans. He really doesn’t want to get hard in full view of what he considers his enormous family of siblings, but not-kissing Hux sounds like a definitively _bad_ idea. Just awful, terrible. Dreadful. The Worst™. In fact, at the thought of doing anything with his mouth ever again that isn't kissing Hux, he hears Simon Cowell's voice in his head saying, 'yeah, it's gonna be a 'no,' for me.' 

The choice is taken from him and Simon Cowell when Hux pulls away of his own accord and tugs playfully on Kylo's ponytail, unaware or uncaring of what effect it has on Kylo's nervous system.

“Just so you know," Hux tells him, "I wasn't rejecting you, when you confessed - I only wasn’t replying at first because we’re still mic’ed.”

At how wide Kylo’s eyes go, the entire band bursts out in laughter and Hux takes his arms back to cross them over his chest, chuckling and looking at him pityingly.

“Oh, no,” Kylo groans, already imagining that Snoke must have been the one to drop the curtain on them and the Hell he must be in for now – he just professed undying love to Hux on stage, to the ears and eyes of thousands out there in person and millions at home because they’re _streaming the concert on live television_.

“Oh, no…” Kylo repeats, because it’s worth repeating, “Oh, Christ, I … wait…”

He turns to Hux again and says, “but you just – you did say all that just now, you didn’t seem to care.”

“Yes, but I’m not the one that’s in trouble with the PR team constantly, so I’ll get a slap on the wrist for finally plucking up enough courage to just… let you know I actually have feelings other than disdain. You, on the other hand, are the thorniest troublemaker in the PR team's side to have ever been and _you're_ probably in for a time-out, I’m thinking,” Hux teases.

Kylo groans in agonized exasperation again and looks over to Phasma – she’s beaming at him and despite knowing he’s really in for it this time with Snoke and every other suit that runs his life, he feels gladness swell all over him. He can’t dread Snoke when there’s a very willing, secretly-pining, possibly naked Hux to look forward to.

He twists back to Hux, decides the few moments more of freedom he has before Snoke comes to maybe-actually-murder him, he'd like to spend kissing Hux, and so he lifts Hux off his feet, kissing him and spinning him around like a Disney princess. He knows Hux hate-loves it and he tries his best not to get hard at the way Hux’s fingers rake through the back roots of his hair.

“ _Kylo_!” Snoke bellows.

Their kiss breaks and Kylo is dizzy for five different reasons at least.

“Still worth it?” Hux asks breathlessly.

Looking up at him, Kylo’s eyes soften – Hux’s eyes are glistening, his cheeks are flushed, his hair is undone and he looks… he looks _smitten_. He looks positively _lovesick_ \- Kylo thought for so long that Hux was the one not looking closely enough for long enough, but clearly, he was wrong. He can see Hux’s adoration like painfully bright, multicolored fireworks and he can’t think of a single thing he could want for in this life anymore. Hux in his arms, Hux loving him back, Hux kissing him and looking at him that way?

He’s got everything he’d ever need. Easy.

“So, so, _so_ worth it,” Kylo answers.

He’s deeply pleased at the way Hux ducks his head shyly, smiling and trying to hide it.

“I’m so in love with you…”

Hux laughs gleefully and covers Kylo’s mouth with both hands, “Kylo, you are still mic’ed! How deep would you like to dig your own grave, precisely?”

“ ** _Kylo_**!” Snoke growls, storming onto the stage and looking furious – he gestures rapidly and vaguely at the stagehands, ordering them, “Take their mics _off_! Jesus Christ! Get these idiot kids off the stage!”

They do get off the stage then and when the mics are off, they get earfuls from the entire enraged PR team. Their confessions, their kiss, Hux’s song – it’s all over Youtube (the videos are going up faster than anyone can take them down for copyright issues), Twitter (it’s trending, #kylux), Tumblr (Kylo didn’t even know AMV’s were still a _thing_ , but the edits, videos and photos are all pretty high quality - he even Liked some of them), Snapchat (they’re Featured), Instagram, Facebook and every other known social media platform up and functioning on the Earth. 

For how private a man Hux is, it seems as though you couldn’t _pay_ him to be interested in the goings-on. Kylo thought Hux might have a conniption when he realized his song and kiss with Kylo were essentially being played on an infinite loop on Access Hollywood, but he just plays footsy with Kylo under the table without a care until they’re released to their hotel room – the room they very barely make it to with their clothes on.

Their outing is a PR _nightmare_ that lasts the better part of a year; fans drop off the face of the Earth, letting them know through social media how disappointed they are in the sexuality and romantic orientations of their favorite musicians. Tweets and Facebook comments let them know that that their ex-fans ‘didn’t sign up for this faggoty shit,’ and how, ‘you guys were metal and rock, not community theater musicals,’ and why-oh-why can’t they ‘just keep the gross PDA at home – kids look up to you!’

More daring and heartless show and radio hosts come after them just as hard, whether they’re coming on as guests, there to defend themselves or not. Hux and Kylo become the real talk of the town and not always in the best of ways.

The MOGAI community backs them up in a big way, though and that’s nice. They very suddenly have a new population of groupies.

Even with _all_ of that to distract them, with the newfound, intense and undeniably amazing talent of Hux, the band comes together to beg him for help. They want Hux to design the next album, to give them their theme, they all want to write with him, they want to change the name of the band to more include him and his vision and his sound – Hux’s song leaves them all turned around and grasping for more. Most of all, they want him to combine their metal rock to his soft alternative sound somehow and, genius that he is, he does.

During the year of behaving well, staying out of spotlights and saying ‘no comment,’ so many times it starts to sound like gibberish, they spend the downtime writing and composing. All of them.

Hux takes advantage of how enormous a choir they can sound like, he uses the entire range of Kylo’s vocals and sings with everyone on their new projects – he mostly duets with Kylo, but he and Phasma do at least write one song together for the two of them. The band name changes to The First DisOrder, TFDO shirts are mass-produced and their color scheme changes entirely. Their entire aesthetic is thrown out and made new.

The newness is good, though. They don’t lose the old, good stuff – they only introduce it to its highly compatible and more fully-realized partner, Hux. They go from messy to minimalist and from monochrome to this gradient of red to blue and the band – they shock Hux by letting him know he should have been directing them from the start. They love all the changes, they hold him up through it all and he stops looking so unsure.

It’s perfect and Kylo couldn't be more proud.

As it turns out, though, he could be happier. Everyday shows him so - he wakes up next to Hux and he's somehow happier than the day before and knows he'll wake up the next day happier than he is then. He doesn't say that to Hux, though, because Hux would probably elbow him in the gut for something so sappy.

It's true, though.

When the year is up, their newest single drops without any warning and it’s got nearly two million downloads within the first twenty-four hours it’s up.

The official music video includes them all, [it opens](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTMrlHHVx8A) with an eagle’s cry, a vast, snowy wilderness and the lens falls onto the group, all sitting at or standing with their instruments in the minimal grass and shallow snow; the piano comes in, then the whole of them singing over the drums, bass and guitars. The camera pans over all of them and then Kylo takes center-screen.

 

“ _Into the night…_  
_Desperate and broken._  
_The sound of a fight…_ ”

 

Zekk’s voice calls out from behind…

  
“ _Father has spoken…_ ”

 

The Knights (as they still call themselves) all sing in harmony again, ushering in the chorus that Kylo sings;

  
  
“ _We were the kings and queens of promise._  
_We were the victims of ourselves._  
_Maybe the children of a lesser God_ –"

 

Then Hux is there beside him and sings in part,

  
“ _Between **Heaven and Hell**_ ,” – Kylo looks to Hux lovingly and finishes alone, “ _Heaven and Hell…_ ”

  
  
Taking over again, Kylo sings directly to Hux, “ _into your eyes, hopeless and taken… we stole our new lives…_ ”

 

Hux smiles and sings part harmony with him again,

  
“ ** _Through blood and name.  
In defense _**_of our dreams…  
**In defense of our dreams.**_ ”

 

Then Hux is focusing on his guitar and Kylo takes the mic, sharing part of the chorus with Zekk and Hux…

  
  
“ _We were the kings and queens of promise._  
_We were the victims of ourselves._  
_Maybe the children of a lesser God,_  
_Between **Heaven and Hell** ,_  
_Heaven and Hell_.”

 

Then Kylo’s being closed in on by the camera, but he keeps his eyes shut, like he’s shutting out everything but the song. Which is really shutting everything but Hux out.

And that's accurate.

  
  
“ _The age of man is over…  
A darkness comes at dawn.  
These lessons that we've learned here,  
Have only just _ –“ Hux is there again, beside him, his vocals not even straining to match Kylo’s, “ ** _begun_** _…!_ ”

  
  
Throwing his head back with the mic, Kylo sings as if it were a war cry, a chant or scream;

 

“ _We were the kings and queens of promise!_  
_We were the victims of ourselves!_  
_Maybe the children of a lesser God,_  
_Between Heaven and Hell_!”

 

The collective voices of the Knights behind him, Hux’s harmonies right next to him, the crescendo of everyone’s noise takes the end to some incredible, transcendental place.

A smile splays over Kylo’s face, the white of his teeth showing while carrying the load of the lead vocals, but being supported by the choir of his family behind him.

  
  
“ _We are the kings!_  
_We are the queens!_  
_**We are the kings**!_  
**We are the queens**!”

 

Kylo lowers his head and the mic. The Knights sing behind him in unison and every exhale he makes is visible on screen. As the music fades out, Kylo looks over to his side, where Hux’s open hand is waiting for his.

Where it's always been waiting.

His smile is proud, exhausted and his fingers twine with Hux's as the picture fades out.

**Author's Note:**

> "Lone Wolf," is by In Loving Memory  
> "Sleep Forever," is by Portugal. The Man  
> "Kings and Queens," is by 30 Seconds to Mars  
> and i am a joke  
> what was this au  
> i need sleep


End file.
